Last week, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror. I don't mean staring into the mirror, searching for my soul; I mean all together, I avoid it.
I have committed to this act of bravery because I want to know Nessessary, who she is inside, not out. I want to develop my qualities inwardly and reflect them onto who and what I come into contact with, allowing others to be the mirrors I spent hours across a week gazing into out of vanity.
My sense of self has been building up in me for quite some time and I noticed that as I desired to become more aware of myself, I spent more time in the mirror. I feel this is a hindrance for me because I was constantly judging myself by standards I had learned from a dominant culture not concerned with my inner qualities. Further, this culture wants me to see myself as a whole, rather than a part of the world, connected to other necessary (Nessessary) parts.
My ongoing experiment without the mirror is teaching me that I am one with everything and all is Nessessary. I am also realizing how many items I use daily that actually contain my reflection: the frame around my laptop, vehicles, knobs on cabinets, etc. Funny how when I try to avoid something, I notice it more...
So talk to me (write to me), are you aware of how much time you spend in the mirror every day? Why do you look into it? How do you feel while gazing? What are some of your thoughts as you admire or attack your image? Is it possible or even plausible to seek your reflection via the faces of other people, animals, plants, machinery, etc.?
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
iTuned Out
As I was driving from OC to LA last week, I kept looking in my rearview, somewhat expecting to see flashing police/medic lights. I could have sworn I heard a high-pitched noise, but when I discovered there was no emergency behind me and I would not be getting harassed (I am rockin' the 'fro mind you), I relaxed some and returned back to the music in my headphones...
Perhaps I should have mentioned those first, or thought about the effect they might have on my driving. There were instances when I looked down to change the tune and if traffic had been heavier, I might have looked up and realized those medics were needed after all (though, I still wouldn't have wanted to see Johnny Law-ahem, Papito.).
Am I introverted to the point where I can no longer stand the radio and further disconnect with the world and even other drivers, just to find comfort and pleasure in my own world of tunes? I even listen to the music in my headphones while I take walks, which have increased lately (I wonder if this is due to the knowledge that I have the music to distract my exercise). How effective am I in the environment around me if I disengage constantly to seek security (a home) in my own head with little if any interaction with what's happening around me? If I can't relay what I'm thinking or feeling to the outside world, can I relate?
It's not just me, though. I strolled past a bank last week and saw a security guard standing outside, also with headphones in his ears. How effectively could he do his job of protecting the bank, its staff, patrons, and money, if he was somewhat distracted? Could he do his job at all? Was the distraction just a look to deceive others? When I came across another security guard with headphones, this time near LA Kennedy High School, I decided to ask him if I could try out one of his headphones to test the decibel level and see if anything audibly emitted. It was nowhere near as loud as what I am accustomed to.
Who else out there listens to the voices in their head (ie. headphones) about as much or more than you listen to other people in your surrounding area? Has the mass-production and increased technology related to music truly given us a "universal language" or just made it possible and acceptable for us to become less communicative?
Perhaps I should have mentioned those first, or thought about the effect they might have on my driving. There were instances when I looked down to change the tune and if traffic had been heavier, I might have looked up and realized those medics were needed after all (though, I still wouldn't have wanted to see Johnny Law-ahem, Papito.).
Am I introverted to the point where I can no longer stand the radio and further disconnect with the world and even other drivers, just to find comfort and pleasure in my own world of tunes? I even listen to the music in my headphones while I take walks, which have increased lately (I wonder if this is due to the knowledge that I have the music to distract my exercise). How effective am I in the environment around me if I disengage constantly to seek security (a home) in my own head with little if any interaction with what's happening around me? If I can't relay what I'm thinking or feeling to the outside world, can I relate?
It's not just me, though. I strolled past a bank last week and saw a security guard standing outside, also with headphones in his ears. How effectively could he do his job of protecting the bank, its staff, patrons, and money, if he was somewhat distracted? Could he do his job at all? Was the distraction just a look to deceive others? When I came across another security guard with headphones, this time near LA Kennedy High School, I decided to ask him if I could try out one of his headphones to test the decibel level and see if anything audibly emitted. It was nowhere near as loud as what I am accustomed to.
Who else out there listens to the voices in their head (ie. headphones) about as much or more than you listen to other people in your surrounding area? Has the mass-production and increased technology related to music truly given us a "universal language" or just made it possible and acceptable for us to become less communicative?
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Homelessness is...?
I'm somewhat in the process of writing an article on homelessness in Los Angeles County. According to stats, LA County is one of the wealthiest counties in the United States, with the highest population of homeless individuals. Over the past few years, the numbers are in decline and LA County's city mayors have been pushing to continue the trend. Still, while strolling down Wilshire Blvd. on any given day, I see no less than five homeless people in 30 minutes (and this is in Brentwood, a highly exclusive area).
It occurred to me this weekend though, I may be stereotyping people as being homeless. Just because I saw a man sitting in the shade of a tree outside a restaurant, dressed raggedly with bags beside him, gazing at something I must not have seen; this does not prove he is homeless. Because I didn't have the courage to ask him, I proceeded down the street, vowing to ask the next coherent, homeless looking individual whether or not my perception was valid.
Nearing Santa Monica, I approached a homeless looking gentleman who smiled at me as I got closer. As I began to pass, I stopped him to ask him directions to somewhere I somewhat knew the location of, buying time to work up the guts to ask him what I really meant to. Finally, I asked him if he was homeless. He responded wittily, "I don't have any property in my name."
After we departed, I started brainstorming my own thoughts on homelessness. Why was he labeled homeless and not I? Was he not at home in the streets where I would feel lost if left on my own? If "home is where the heart is," he was at home, walking down the street with a smile on his face, reflecting a merry heart. I on the other hand was battling with myself at heart, frustrated with the knowledge that all I work to gain will never make me as happy as he appeared to be in that moment.
What are your thoughts on homelessness? Is a home just security? If so, can any of us ever truly have a home? Can security be guaranteed? In security, do we just make up for our own insecurity, the lack of security we feel inside with ourselves and the others we're around?
It occurred to me this weekend though, I may be stereotyping people as being homeless. Just because I saw a man sitting in the shade of a tree outside a restaurant, dressed raggedly with bags beside him, gazing at something I must not have seen; this does not prove he is homeless. Because I didn't have the courage to ask him, I proceeded down the street, vowing to ask the next coherent, homeless looking individual whether or not my perception was valid.
Nearing Santa Monica, I approached a homeless looking gentleman who smiled at me as I got closer. As I began to pass, I stopped him to ask him directions to somewhere I somewhat knew the location of, buying time to work up the guts to ask him what I really meant to. Finally, I asked him if he was homeless. He responded wittily, "I don't have any property in my name."
After we departed, I started brainstorming my own thoughts on homelessness. Why was he labeled homeless and not I? Was he not at home in the streets where I would feel lost if left on my own? If "home is where the heart is," he was at home, walking down the street with a smile on his face, reflecting a merry heart. I on the other hand was battling with myself at heart, frustrated with the knowledge that all I work to gain will never make me as happy as he appeared to be in that moment.
What are your thoughts on homelessness? Is a home just security? If so, can any of us ever truly have a home? Can security be guaranteed? In security, do we just make up for our own insecurity, the lack of security we feel inside with ourselves and the others we're around?
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Uganda's anti-gay sentiments: similar to those in United States?
Yesterday, I heard news of a Ugandan newspaper encouraging the death of 100 gay/lesbian individuals in its home country.
Inwardly, I was incensed.
Today, I read the same news and my negative emotions surfaced again. This time, I am outwardly expressing them with my pen (keyboard, I mean).
Currently residing in Los Angeles, I am in daily contact with people, such as myself, labeled as "gay/lesbian." Just yesterday, after hearing the Ugandan anti-gay, pro-murder news, I decided to wear purple and take a walk, supporting Gay Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) "Spirit Day." How fortunate I am to have the privilege of revealing my lifestyle in this country without constant fear of violence, I thought.
Then, I remembered my friend who called me earlier in the week. He has been harassed numerous times this month by people negatively calling him out on his sexuality. I remembered Tyler Clementi who jumped off the Hudson Bridge, Asher Brown, the 13-year-old who shot himself, and countless others the media have not yet revealed. Were these youth driven to suicide because of the violence inflicted on them-the violence of bullying?
Ilana Angel posted a blog on JewishJournal.com, "Gay Teen Suicide: Rest in Peace Asher, Raymond, Tyler, Billy & Seth," where she cites the military, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy as a part of the catalyst to teen, gay suicides. Is she correct? How does the military's turning away of gay and lesbian applicants register in the minds of those discarded? What does it say about our military and it's "mission to spread democracy" to all?
And what about the government itself, see-sawing between repealing the policy and staying it? Will we continue to label the Ugandan homophobia as "ominous" while allowing the structural violence against homosexuals within our own country?
What are some movements, actions, words, or thoughts permeating our own society that condone violence against homesexuals, directly and indirectly? My mom used to reference a Bible verse from Matthew and tell me not to point out the speck of sawdust in someone else's eye before taking the plank out of my own. Is killing someone's quality of life the same as taking away their quantity of life?
Also, see today's story on Democracy Now linking Uganda's anti-gay sentiments with right-wing U.S. evangelicals. With the rise of the Tea Party movement, what can be said of the future of the United States, specifically for homesexuals?
Inwardly, I was incensed.
Today, I read the same news and my negative emotions surfaced again. This time, I am outwardly expressing them with my pen (keyboard, I mean).
Currently residing in Los Angeles, I am in daily contact with people, such as myself, labeled as "gay/lesbian." Just yesterday, after hearing the Ugandan anti-gay, pro-murder news, I decided to wear purple and take a walk, supporting Gay Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) "Spirit Day." How fortunate I am to have the privilege of revealing my lifestyle in this country without constant fear of violence, I thought.
Then, I remembered my friend who called me earlier in the week. He has been harassed numerous times this month by people negatively calling him out on his sexuality. I remembered Tyler Clementi who jumped off the Hudson Bridge, Asher Brown, the 13-year-old who shot himself, and countless others the media have not yet revealed. Were these youth driven to suicide because of the violence inflicted on them-the violence of bullying?
Ilana Angel posted a blog on JewishJournal.com, "Gay Teen Suicide: Rest in Peace Asher, Raymond, Tyler, Billy & Seth," where she cites the military, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy as a part of the catalyst to teen, gay suicides. Is she correct? How does the military's turning away of gay and lesbian applicants register in the minds of those discarded? What does it say about our military and it's "mission to spread democracy" to all?
And what about the government itself, see-sawing between repealing the policy and staying it? Will we continue to label the Ugandan homophobia as "ominous" while allowing the structural violence against homosexuals within our own country?
What are some movements, actions, words, or thoughts permeating our own society that condone violence against homesexuals, directly and indirectly? My mom used to reference a Bible verse from Matthew and tell me not to point out the speck of sawdust in someone else's eye before taking the plank out of my own. Is killing someone's quality of life the same as taking away their quantity of life?
Also, see today's story on Democracy Now linking Uganda's anti-gay sentiments with right-wing U.S. evangelicals. With the rise of the Tea Party movement, what can be said of the future of the United States, specifically for homesexuals?
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